CHAPTER TWELVE

A Conversation and a Discovery

Twenty minutes later, I arrived at the gate to Wildfell Hall. I saw Mrs Graham slowly walking about the inside of her lonely home. She looked anxious, and seemed annoyed at my arrival, as if she thought I, too, were coming to blame her for something. I had intended to come to comfort her after the minister had attempted to shame her. Upon seeing her, however, I was too ashamed to discuss the subject.

"You look busy, so I will stay only a few minutes," I said cheerfully.

She smiled at me, "Yes, you must not stay long, Gilbert."

"I'm not going to," I said quickly, "but Helen, I've something to say to you before I go."

"What is it?"

"No, not now—I don't know yet what it is—or how to say it," I replied. I then sat down near the fire, as did she. We sat in silence.

After some time, she began, "Gilbert, it is getting late."

"Oh, yes," said I, "You want me to go."

"I think you should go. My neighbours would not be pleased to hear of such a visit," she said, looking anxious. I knew she was thinking of the minister when speaking of her "neighbours."

"I do not care for their opinions, nor for the lies they speak."

"You have heard, then, what they say of me?"

"I heard some terrible things that could only be lies. Anyone believing such things must be a fool; do not let them trouble you, Helen."

"Mr Millward is not a fool, and he believes it all."

"Please allow me to explain your situation to them. I know I can help you, Helen. Let me defend you."

"I am disliked by all your friends. You would declare yourself as my supporter. Think, it is a serious thing!"

"I should be proud to do it, Helen! I would be delighted, most happy—and then, you must be mine! We can then be together!"

"No, no, that is not all!"

"What then? Why can we not be together? You promised I should know some time, and—"

"You shall know, but not now," she said anxiously. "If you knew all, you, too, would blame me."

"You, Helen? Impossible! I would rather have your friendship than the love of any other woman in the world!"

She did not move, but soon turned to me, and calmly said, "Tomorrow, if you meet me on the hill around midday, I will tell you all you want to know, and perhaps you will see why we should no longer continue our friendship. But I cannot tell you now, so please, you must leave me."

"Of course our friendship will continue, nothing could change my opinion of you! I will leave now, but answer one question first—do you love me?"

"I will not answer that!"

"I do not believe you; and so good night," I said with a smile.

She turned her head away.

"Gilbert, do leave me!" she cried.

As I left, I looked back for one more look at my fair lady. She was sitting forward, with her hands covering her eyes, crying. I left in silence.

As I walked away from the house, I began to worry about Mrs Graham. She looked so upset when I left her. I turned back to look in the window at her. As I walked closer to the house, she stepped out of the house.

"Come out—I want to see the moon," she said. But she was speaking not to her servant, Rachel, but to a gentleman, a rather tall man—it was Mr Lawrence!

"I will be more careful the next time I come, Helen."

"I must leave this place, Frederick," she said, "I can never be happy here, nor anywhere else! But I cannot rest here. The neighbours do not leave me alone."

"But where could you find a better place? Anywhere you go, you'll have the same annoyance. There are curious people everywhere, as well as here. I must go with you."

I could no longer hear them speak, but I saw him put his hand around her waist. Burning with anger, I left. I hurried home with hate and sadness in my heart. When I returned home, everyone was asleep except my mother.

"Oh, Gilbert, where have you been? You look so ill! What is the matter? Did you go to see Mrs Graham?" she asked, looking anxious.

"Don't worry yourself! It's nothing!" I cried. "Good night," I said as I walked off to bed.

I could not sleep that night, however, and could think only of Mrs Graham.

(end of section)